A Different Girl- What Aspergers Syndrome Means to Me - YouTube

A Different Girl- What Aspergers Syndrome Means to Me - YouTube:

Listen to this girl who describes her own issues with her own diagnosis with Asperger's syndrome. This is hard to use as an example of symptoms of Brooklyn. If you know my family and have met Alayna, however, you can see some of the randomness, body language, vocal rhythms and overall communications processes she uses. That's both concerning and somewhat relieving because, with her diagnosis of Peter's Plus, there are diagnosed developmental delays but no one can tell us what set of delays are present. While I am not suggesting Alayna has Asperger's Syndrome, I do think the autism spectrum is appropriate, now more than ever.

I would like to see this as Brooklyn gets older to see if she produces this level of both intelligence and inability to control her actions. It almost reminds me of Tourette Syndrome, but without the tics. In this way, the "tics" are just a jump from one action to another. Like drawing a line and your hand gets shaky so you waver to one side or another.

I can conceptualize things better when hearing them, and I can visualize what I am saying if I can see myself pictures of examples. This is helping a lot. Thank you, YouTube.

Amazon.com: Used and New: Asperger's and Girls

Amazon.com: Used and New: Asperger's and Girls:

Morgan found this book to try to help find answers to Brooklyn's mannerisms and behavior quirks that are conflicting with her ability to interact with others. The social aspect of her problems is the most important at this point, at least to me. I am not so worried about her milestones, learning processes or motor skills. She can do most things she sets her mind to. Talking to others and sharing in a positive manner, however, are examples of things she just can't grasp well enough to be consistent.

Hopefully this book would give us a better idea of how to identify a disorder like Asperger's. I don't believe we're going to find a definitive diagnosis this way, but I agree we will get a better idea of the symptoms and how to approach and hopefully nullify the symptoms of what's really going on. We do want to get to the root of the problem and take care of what's really affecting her behavior, but you don't find the roots by looking for them first. They're buried and hiding. Behavior issues are like blackberry bushes: you have to start at the end of a vine (obvious symptoms) and trace it back to the base (how the symptoms connect), then start digging out the roots (any medical or psychological foundations creating the symptoms).

We're not rich. We're not even financially secure. So we have to do this stuff on our own. I don't expect Medicaid to do everything for us. Nor do I expect the public welfare system to pay for all the research when I am perfectly capable of doing research myself. If all we do is take books like this, get the premises of our claims solid, and bring that to a professional to weed through and come to a plausible conclusion, we've saved time for the professional, which saves money for Medicaid, which saves money for the state and federal budgets. Isn't that how we can truly fix the medical industry? Maybe that's just me being optimistic, though.

Criteria for Aspergers, and why I think Brooklyn fits it

Diagnostic Criteria for 299.80 Asperger's Disorder, this was taken from the CDC website, http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html, everything in purple is my notes/observations about Brooklyn. My husband is going to add his own notes in at some point, I'll make him use a different color :)

1. Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

1. 1. marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction (Brooklyn does not like to make eye contact all the time, especially if she is feeling any strong emotions)

1. 2. failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level (I have noticed that Brooklyn struggles with her peers. She does pretty well with her siblings, whom she's with 24/7, she does well with Asante, her 20 month old cousin, and she adores her new baby cousin. But, she often has 1-2 kids in her classroom that she's "friends" with. I need to touch base with her teacher and ask about this).

1. 3. a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people) (Brooklyn will usually tell you about things that make her happy/excited)

1. 4. lack of social or emotional reciprocity (Honestly, I'm not 100% sure on this, so I'm not going to say anything either way.)

2. Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:

1. 1. encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity of focus (From what I can tell, Brooklyn isn't "obsessed" with any one type of thing. However, a lot of my research about Aspergers, especially in girls, says that many times girls are more interested in "fantasy" tpye things. Which are more often considered "normal" for girls. It's only realized that it's an issue when they child gets older and is still interested in these things. Brooklyn loves My Little Ponies, they are her go-to toys and it's her favorite TV show to watch over and over on netflix )
   2. apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals (Brooklyn tends to have less meltdowns when we stick to a specific routine. She also does well if I'm able to explain the days plans to her, "first we're going to do this, then this, etc")

1. 3. stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements) (I haven't noticed hand or finger flapping or twisting, however Brooklyn is a spinner. She's often spinning in circles whenever she can. She also twirls her hair and rubs the back of her head into things, which is why we've cut her hair so short)

4. persistent preoccupation with parts of objects (Again, this is something I haven't noticed, but I'm going to go with no)

3. The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. (YES! Out side of her siblings she's not very social, she qualified for occupational therapy so that should be a sign right there. It's effecting her abilities in school. She's able to meet the expectations of the teachers, but they skill level they're asking for at this point is far below Brooklyn's actual skill level. She also won't communicate with the teacher unless she ABSOLUTELY has to and even then it's kept to a minimum)

4. There is no clinically significant general delay in language (e.g., single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years). (If anything Brooklyn's language skills were VERY early developed)

5. There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction), and curiosity about the environment in childhood. (Brooklyn has always been fairly independent and is very bright)

6. Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia. (Brooklyn doesn't meet the criteria for PDD or Schizophrenia)

Symptoms in girls, again my notes on Brooklyn are in purple. Symptom list was taken from this site: http://autism.lovetoknow.com/Aspergers_in_Girls

Social Symptoms

A girl with Aspgerger's may exhibit the following social symptoms:

• Appears excessively shy or avoids interacting with others or making the first move socially (I can't tell you that I've EVER witnessed Brooklyn make the first move socially)
• Seems uncomfortable during conversation and may struggle with eye contact (Brooklyn doesn't always like to make eye contact, sometimes she does, but it's very much not consistently)
• Usually has only one close friend at school (in pre-school Brooklyn had ONE friend. I need to touch base with her teacher to be sure for her currently classroom)
• May play appropriately with toys and engage in pretend play or may focus on organizing objects or toys (Brooklyn really likes to play with her My Litttle Ponies, and generally the pretend play is mimicked from the TV show)
• Often shows empathy and compassion but may be confused by non-verbal social signals (Brooklyn tends to show empathy and compassion when encourage verbally)
• May have difficulty fitting in with peers due to clothing and hairstyle choices (This really isn't an issue right now as she's 5. But, her clothing choices are out there, LOL)

Communication Symptoms

The way an AS girl communicates may also be different from her peers:

• May have an exceptional vocabulary (Brooklyn tends to speak very well)
• Tends to mimic rather than providing natural responses (Honestly, I'm not sure on this one)
• May converse in predictable, "scripted" ways (Not sure on this either)
• Seems to struggle with non-verbal aspects of communication, such as body language and tone of voice (Not sure on this either)
• May use odd inflection (Not sure on this either, I haven't noticed it, so I'm going to say no for now)
• Appears to have difficulty dealing with unexpected verbal responses (I don't know. She's 5 so not all of her conversations even with her siblings or with her daddy or I are very normal.)

Behavioral Symptoms

The behavioral symptoms of Asperger's in girls may be very different from those in boys due to inherent differences in emotional processing:

• Less prone to act out physically or aggressively (Brooklyn does react aggressively, but that's only been towards her brother and younger sister, usually poor Aiden is the target though. He's great at antagonizing her)
• Intense focus on a particular subject, often involving animals or classic literature (I haven't noticed anything she's "obsessed" with, but she does have her favorites)
• Appears anxious when there are changes in routine (she is less prone to meltdowns when we stick to a routine and she's prepared for what's coming next. I usually plan out our day with her so she knows what's going to happen next)
• Practices rituals that appear to have no function (I haven't noticed anything like this)
• May play with dolls or toys well beyond the typical age for these items (She's 5, so dolls and toys are still age appropriate)
• Appears to have attractions or aversions to sensory stimuli, such as textures, foods, sounds, or visual patterns (Brooklyn is a sensory seeker! Spinning, touching things, being squished, bumping into people/things, etc)
• May engage in limited self-stimulating behavior, such as hand flapping, rocking, spinning, or shifting from foot to foot (She is a spinner! And she's always moving in some way or making some type of noise)

Physical Symptoms

AS also manifests itself in the way a girl carries herself:

• May have difficulty with fine or gross motor coordination (She is a bit clumsy, often tripping over her own feet or running into things, even walls)
• May become easily lost, even in familiar surroundings (I haven't noticed this, and she's only 5, so she doesn't go anywhere without an adult)
• Has an odd posture (I haven't noticed anything yet) 
• Resists physical games or sports (I'm not really sure. She was talking about a game in PE called hula hoop bumper cars and she said she liked it)

SO frustrated!!

Turns out the big delay in getting OT started is the insurance. They don't want to cover OT for "just" sensory issues, they prefer for there to be fine motor skill delays to cover OT. Apparently it doesn't matter that an occupational therapist feels Brooklyn NEEDS OT twice a month for sensory issues. It doesn't matter that she's having massive meltdowns, if she doesn't have fine motor skill delays it pretty much just sucks to be here.

Want to hear the kicker? If she were diagnosed on the spectrum they'd approve it. Why? Well, our kids have medicaid. (Yep, we can't afford the crappy medical through Joe's work; and even we could, it's crappy and we'd have to pay a minimum of 20% of all the bills, so our kids are on medicaid. If you feel like being judgmental, please keep it to yourself). Why is having Medicaid an issue? Well, Medicaid in Washington state was recently sued for not providing adequate services to children on the Autism Spectrum. So, right now they're doing double time to make up for all their screw ups. On top of that, GETTING the evaluation to diagnose Aspergers has been next to impossible. Why? Because we basically have to prove she HAS Aspergers before they'll approve the evaluation.

Now, that really doesn't make sense to me. We have to PROVE she's on the spectrum before they'll pay for the evaluation to diagnose she's on the spectrum. How does one prove she's on the spectrum WITHOUT the evaluation? Because that's the problem we're having. You see, our regular pediatrician (whom usually I adore) refuses to consider anything other than ADHD. Our second opinion pediatrician was more willing to consider the possibility of maybe something else going on (the 13 page Asperger's check list filled out with our main concerns helped some as well). Our second opinion pediatrician referred us to behavior modification therapy, which is where we are now. Do you know what that's gotten us? It's gotten us what is turning out to be a completely useless referral for OT and another medication. Yes, my 5 year old little girl is taking TWO medications every day. If you thought I felt like shit just giving her the adderall, giving her guanfacine (Tenex) makes me feel twice as worse.

We've had to change Brooklyn's therapy time around due to her old therapist leaving and trying to find a time with the new therapist that works around the school schedule. So, we're finally set with 4pm on Mondays. Her new therapist seems really great, but I have to admit I REALLY miss Cindy, the old therapist. She was SO great with Brooklyn, and I really liked her too. The new therapist, Amanda, isn't bad. But, I don't have as much of a connection with her and I'm not sure Brooklyn does either.

Anyways, what I was really wanting to get to is this, http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html which is the Center for Disease Control diagnostic criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder. My notes about Brooklyn are listed in purple.

Diagnostic Criteria for 299.80 Asperger's Disorder

1. Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

1. 1. marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction (Brooklyn does not like to make eye contact all the time, especially if she is feeling any strong emotions)

1. 2. failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level (I have noticed that Brooklyn struggles with her peers. She does pretty well with her siblings, whom she's with 24/7, she does well with Asante, her 20 month old cousin, and she adores her new baby cousin. But, she often has 1-2 kids in her classroom that she's "friends" with. I need to touch base with her teacher and ask about this).

1. 3. a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people) (Brooklyn will usually tell you about things that make her happy/excited)

1. 4. lack of social or emotional reciprocity (Honestly, I'm not 100% sure on this, so I'm not going to say anything either way)

2. Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:

1. 1. encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity of focus (From what I can tell, Brooklyn isn't "obsessed" with any one type of thing)
   2. apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals (Brooklyn tends to have less meltdowns when we stick to a specific routine. She also does well if I'm able to explain the days plans to her, "first we're going to do this, then this, etc")

1. 3. stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements) (I haven't noticed hand or finger flapping or twisting, however Brooklyn is a spinner. She's often spinning in circles whenever she can)

4. persistent preoccupation with parts of objects (Again, this is something I haven't noticed, but I'm going to go with no)

3. The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. (YES! Out side of her siblings she's not very social, she qualified for occupational therapy so that should be a sign right there. It's effecting her abilities in school. She's able to meet the expectations of the teachers, but they skill level they're asking for at this point is far below Brooklyn's actual skill level. She also won't communicate with the teacher unless she ABSOLUTELY has to and even then it's kept to a minimum)

4. There is no clinically significant general delay in language (e.g., single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years). (If anything Brooklyn's language skills were VERY early developed)

5. There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction), and curiosity about the environment in childhood. (Brooklyn has always been fairly independent and is very bright)

6. Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia. (Brooklyn doesn't meet the criteria for PDD or Schizophrenia)

Symptoms in girls, again my notes on Brooklyn are in purple.

Social Symptoms

A girl with Aspgerger's may exhibit the following social symptoms:

• Appears excessively shy or avoids interacting with others or making the first move socially (I can't tell you that I've EVER witnessed Brooklyn make the first move socially)
• Seems uncomfortable during conversation and may struggle with eye contact (Brooklyn doesn't always like to make eye contact, sometimes she does, but it's very much not consistently)
• Usually has only one close friend at school (in pre-school Brooklyn had ONE friend. I need to touch base with her teacher to be sure for her currently classroom)
• May play appropriately with toys and engage in pretend play or may focus on organizing objects or toys (Brooklyn really likes to play with her My Litttle Ponies, and generally the pretend play is mimicked from the TV show)
• Often shows empathy and compassion but may be confused by non-verbal social signals (Brooklyn tends to show empathy and compassion when encourage verbally)
• May have difficulty fitting in with peers due to clothing and hairstyle choices (This really isn't an issue right now as she's 5. But, her clothing choices are out there, LOL)

Communication Symptoms

The way an AS girl communicates may also be different from her peers:

• May have an exceptional vocabulary (Brooklyn tends to speak very well)
• Tends to mimic rather than providing natural responses (Honestly, I'm not sure on this one)
• May converse in predictable, "scripted" ways (Not sure on this either)
• Seems to struggle with non-verbal aspects of communication, such as body language and tone of voice (Not sure on this either)
• May use odd inflection (Not sure on this either, I haven't noticed it, so I'm going to say no for now)
• Appears to have difficulty dealing with unexpected verbal responses (I don't know. She's 5 so not all of her conversations even with her siblings or with her daddy or I are very normal.)

Behavioral Symptoms

The behavioral symptoms of Asperger's in girls may be very different from those in boys due to inherent differences in emotional processing:

• Less prone to act out physically or aggressively (Brooklyn does react aggressively, but that's only been towards her brother and younger sister, usually poor Aiden is the target though. He's great at antagonizing her)
• Intense focus on a particular subject, often involving animals or classic literature (I haven't noticed anything she's "obsessed" with, but she does have her favorites)
• Appears anxious when there are changes in routine (she is less prone to meltdowns when we stick to a routine and she's prepared for what's coming next. I usually plan out our day with her so she knows what's going to happen next)
• Practices rituals that appear to have no function (I haven't noticed anything like this)
• May play with dolls or toys well beyond the typical age for these items (She's 5, so dolls and toys are still age appropriate)
• Appears to have attractions or aversions to sensory stimuli, such as textures, foods, sounds, or visual patterns (Brooklyn is a sensory seeker! Spinning, touching things, being squished, bumping into people/things, etc)
• May engage in limited self-stimulating behavior, such as hand flapping, rocking, spinning, or shifting from foot to foot (She is a spinner!)

Physical Symptoms

AS also manifests itself in the way a girl carries herself:

• May have difficulty with fine or gross motor coordination (She is a bit clumsy, often tripping over her own feet or running into things, even walls)
• May become easily lost, even in familiar surroundings (I haven't noticed this, and she's only 5, so she doesn't go anywhere without an adult)
• Has an odd posture (I haven't noticed anything yet) 
• Resists physical games or sports (I'm not really sure. She was talking about a game in PE called hula hoop bumper cars and she said she liked it)

Non-verbal at the worst times!

Brooklyn does this thing where she becomes non verbal when she's upset. Not just angry, but also sad or scared. She won't talk, won't make eye contact, basically she just does her best to give you the cold shoulder. Joe and I have found our ways around it, usually we can give her the space she needs and she'll tell us what's up or we can talk her out of it at times.

Well, today at school it happened with the teacher. Brooklyn is not overly vocal at school. In fact Brooklyn wont speak to the teacher unless it is ABSOLUTELY 100% necessary (asking to go to the bathroom, responding to a question, etc). Today Brooklyn scratched another child with a pencil. The boy sitting next to her had a good size red mark on his leg, but it didn't break the skin. The teacher asked Brooklyn what happened and Brooklyn became 100% non-verbal. Refusing to make eye contact, refusing to say sorry to the boy, refusing to even give her side of the story. Brooklyn missed part of recess in punishment for hurting the boy.

I ran into the teacher while I was volunteering at the book fair and she explained what happened to me. Thankfully this gave me a bit of time to think about how it would be best to approach Brooklyn later that afternoon. When I got her from class we stood away from all the people, and while we were waiting for Aiden and Alayna I asked her about what happened. She went non-verbal. So, I held her hands (something that tends to help at times) and asked if she meant to hurt him, she finally said no. I asked her if he did something to her; hurt her, took something from her, said something mean, etc. She said no, it was an accident I didn't mean to do it.

So, my girl was punished for an accident :( I feel bad for her. But, I told her that if she doesn't tell her teacher what happened, if she doesn't give her side of the story this type of thing will happen. She may get into trouble for something she didn't mean to do. And this poor boy, thinking the girl next to him just got mad for some reason and tried to slice his leg open with a pencil... Brooklyn also said she was scared she'd get into more trouble, either with me or with the teacher. I can say I really like how her teacher handled that. She took Brooklyn's hand and said "Sweetie, it's over. You already got in trouble for it, you can't get in trouble for it again."

Don't get me wrong, Brooklyn has had her issues with aggression. Generally Aiden is her target, less often her target is Bella. Those are really her only two targets, and only when she feels "justified". They didn't listen, Aiden tried to tell her what to do, someone took a toy, etc. Brooklyn has never had any aggression problems towards other kids. Her entire 6 months of pre-school last year she never reacted aggressively to any of the kids there, even when she would have been justified in doing so.

I wish I knew what was going through her head. I wish she could verbalize her thoughts and feelings for me. I wish I could do something to help her.

Be consistent with teachers when helping with homework

Curriculum night at Image Elementary was quick but helpful. This is the first year the kids are in public school since Aiden was at Roosevelt Elementary in the Vancouver School District. On top of that, Brooklyn hasn't been in school before, and Alayna is transitioning from private, Christian-centered school to public school. So much going on now. It's very confusing, and I want to be as effective in complementing in-class time as possible. Why? Because I believe education is the most important part of their life, what will make or break their success in the future. Nothing is more important.

Listening to the teachers, they each had the same graphic in each classroom: a triangle that connected "Students", "Teachers", and "Parents". The school is also pushing parental involvement because they know, like I do, that if students are left to their own devices, or they believe that teachers and parents don't know what each other are doing, students at their age will not be self-motivated enough to get a consistent application of the knowledge they are absorbing.

We as parents can challenge our children in ways the school cannot or will not. We can also create confusion when different messages are being given to a child. Ever heard an adult say, "You'll never use that kind of math in the real world," and really mean it? They were probably told that by peers or parents and that's how they approached their learning. These same kids either didn't get to advanced algebra or calculus, or they did and never did anything with it. They really needed to know that calculus and scientific careers go hand in hand, that trigonometry and programming complement each other. They needed to hear that if you know how to write in correct grammar with a large vocabulary you can be a news correspondent, a presidential speech writer or a cutting-edge blogger. And they needed to understand that it really does improve their ability to make money, enjoy their work and share their skills with the world.

It seems reasonable that the easiest thing we can do as parents is make the language, tone and encouragement that the teachers give their students a common practice during school work at home. When a teacher helping a student with a math problem is saying, "You're on the right track, you just need to try this and you'll have it," but when the student is home his or her parent is saying, "You know this. Why is it you can't just do the work like I know you can? I think you're just being lazy," there is a clearly mixed message between educational authorities.

Good teachers are trained to be and will consistently be positive and encouraging to a student. As they get older, you can adjust your approach depending on how your child works best (some kids end up working better when they're challenged to do it right and seeing where they got it wrong; it's a fact). But again it has to be consistent with what the school is doing with your child. If you believe your teacher is not teaching the way that is best fitting with your older child's learning habits, you need to be willing to work with them to make it right.

So think about how you are speaking when you are trying to get a pesky math sheet done with an 8-year-old, a book report flushed out with a 6th grader, or even a penmanship page with a kindergartner. Are you telling them how much you think they could do but are not, or are you telling them they're on the right track and you know they can get it if they try again? Are your words positive, encouraging and motivating? Or are they discouraged because you've just told them they are lazy and not trying? You have an effect on their ability to learn in the classroom because you are their parents. No matter how much they may say they don't care about what you think, they do. They always do.

For more ideas on how to give positive, constructive feedback to a student, whether helping with homework or homeschooling, check out the following references:

• Some basics from the Department of Education's Learning Partners program.
• More homework basics from the University of Illinois Urban Extension program.
• Focus on Effectiveness, part of the Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory, on Reinforcing Effort (Dr. Mel Levine)
• WikiHow.com article on how to get kids to do homework.
• Larry Ferlazzo's three-part series on engaging parents in education as posted on Education Week's blog.

Just having fun, or bullying?

I "follow" several local radio stations on facebook. They often post funny pictures, sometimes even of people. Tonight, one of them posted a picture of a woman without a neck and encouraged people to make funny comments about it. My great aunt was born without a neck. It's a birth deformity where the top of the spine doesn't form and the skull sits direct on the shoulders of a person. This causes all of the body parts that are normally in the neck to be pushed downward into the chest cavity.

I don't think the DJ of the station realized it was a birth deformity. I wrote him a message letting him know that I was really offended by his post, and that it's not funny to poke fun at someone with a deformity. I informed him that I have a special needs child who has a birth disorder and that I worry every day I send her out into the world that she's going to come into contact with CHILDREN who behave that way, and that I expected more from adults. I told him it broke my heart to see what these adults were saying about a person with a deformity.

He removed the picture and replied back that he didn't realize it was a deformity.

I understand that it wasn't his intention to poke fun at someone with a deformity, but what does it say about our society that the only reason he deleted it was because it was of a person with a deformity? It was still a picture of a person.

It just makes me sad. Regardless of WHY he posted the picture, it was still a human being he was poking fun at. And we wonder why kids are so cruel, look at the example being set for them! And there are times when I'm just as guilty. I've watched those "people of walmart" videos and seen the pictures and laughed at the people for wearing horrible outfits. I've gone to http://failblog.cheezburger.com/ugliesttattoos and laughed at the pictures. And there's really not a difference between going to those websites and laughing at people and doing it in real life.

I'm worried every time I send my kids to school that they're going to get picked on. It was never really much of a worry for me as a kid because 1. I really didn't care what people though and 2. I didn't have a problem fighting back when necessary (and even when NOT necessary, LOL). But, my kids aren't the same as me. Alayna really struggles with comprehending the normal joking that goes along with friendship and actual bullying. She's an easy target for bullies because she's different (2 years older and developmentally delayed) and because she doesn't have a strong personality. It would occur to her to fight back or stand up for herself. She's more likely to just take it and ignore it. Aiden is VERY sensitive, but I know he'll stand up for himself if need be. Brooklyn... That's another story. She's unpredictable. I never know if she's going to burst into hysterical tears or beat the hell out of the person. Either way though, no ones going to get away with messing with her.

I just think we, as human beings, need to do better. We need to stand up for our fellow man, especially the underdog.

I leave you with this quote:

The greatest view into a man's soul (or a woman's soul) is to watch how they treat those weaker than themselves.

How do you want people to view YOUR soul?

9 year old boy with Autism arrested

http://www.connecttristates.com/news/story.aspx?id=805042#.UGHILbJlSEc Here's the article about it so that you can see.

Now, I've heard two conflicting stories about this incident. There's the incident described in the article posted above. There's also a story going around facebook, supposedly written by the young boy's aunt. This is the statement on facebook, from the aunt:
I'm trying to bring attention to my nephew's story. If you could please share it would be greatly appreciated. Any advice you might have is welcomed.

This is Roger Jr. He has Autism Spectrum Disorder. Jr is a victim of police brutality, suffered at the hands of Officer Caulkin of the Quincy, IL Police Department and Quincy ISD. Jr had a meltdown in class at Baldwin Elementary. His teacher responded by calling the liaison Officer, Officer Caulkin, into the classroom to restrain him. When Jr tried to get away, he kicked The officer, who then responded by slamming Jr facedown onto a table. Three other adults held Jr down while the officer cuffed him. Then he was arrested and taken to the Quincy PD to be finger printed and booked. His mother was refused the right to see him while in police custody until she threatened to call her attorney. Jr is only 9 years old. Please share this in hopes to bring attention to Jr's story. Maybe we can help bring justice from the brutality he suffered when Officer Caulkin assaulted, handcuffed, and arrested a 9 year old Autistic boy.
****

Now, the aunt fails to mention several key incidents which were reported in the article. I can't say 100% which is correct, but I tend to believe the news article. Here's my issue, people are assuming the officer was wrong in his treatment of the child. The child DOES have a black eye, this very well could have been caused by the officer trying to remove the child from the room divider that he climbed. If the child had been slammed into a table, I think the family (who are the ones who contacted the news) would have described how his injuries occurred correctly when reporting it to the news. I once clawed the back of Aiden's neck trying to prevent him from falling down a flight of cement steps, I grabbed whatever I could  to save him. I figured the scratches on his neck were preferable to a broken neck.

Does this mean the officer handled the situation correctly? No. But, then again neither did the school. The mother states that the school did not follow her instructions on how to deal with meltdowns. I find it hard to believe that a meltdown from a 9 year old boy required the assistance of the police. The entire situation could have been prevented had the school followed the mother's instructions for handling a meltdown. The police would have never needed to have been called.

I think up until the boy was arrested the officer acted as best as could he was equipped. He couldn't have done any better unless he was trained with how to deal with special needs children. I assume that at least ONE person in the school was trained on how to help special needs children, why weren't THEY doing their job? Why didn't the school follow the protocol the mother asked them to in the event the boy had a meltdown?

Why is everyone so quick to blame the officer when it's really the SCHOOL that failed this child? The black eye was an accident. The officer wasn't intentionally trying to hurt a special needs child and he wasn't being overly rough with him. Should he have arrested this child? No. Maybe he was trying to teach a child a lesson? It's not always obvious when a child has special needs. Trust me, I get nasty looks and rude comments about Brooklyn ALL the time. She doesn't look "different" so it MUST be my parenting. Never mind that I have tried EVERY parenting trick in the book and some out of the book. Never mind that my child is on medication to help her function properly and keep herself and others safe. Never mind that this is her SECOND round of behavior modification therapy.

Anyways, my point here is that the school didn't handle the situation correctly. We expect that when we send our children off to school that the school is going to protect them like WE would. That's one of the reasons I've given Alayna's teacher and Brooklyn's teacher student profiles listing their strengths and weaknesses and any other information that may be necessary. I even included in Brooklyn's that IF she has a meltdown at school they are NOT to restrain her, but are to call me right away and I will come down to the school and take care of it.

Back to the story, the issue here is that BOTH the school and the police screwed up. Fault is on both parties. But let's make this clear, the boy was NOT assaulted by a police officer. The officer tried to get the boy off of a classroom divider and in the process the boy hit his eye on the top. Then again, the boy did not assault the officer either.

Morning after pill made available to kids as young as 14, at schools

http://foxnewsinsider.com/2012/09/24/new-york-city-schools-offering-morning-after-pills-to-students-as-young-as-14/


First off, the morning after pill doesn't KILL anything. There's nothing to KILL at that point. The egg isn't even fertilized! Please, educate yourself before you open your mouth. Let's have a quick educational lesson: the morning after pill works the same way as a regular birth control pill. It is actually just a higher dose of what's regularly called the "mini-pill" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Progestogen-only_pill) which is used most often by breastfeeding mothers. It works by delaying ovulation and making it hard for the sperm to get to the egg to fertilize it. In the event that the egg does get fertilized this pill also makes the lining of the uterus hard for a fertilized egg to attach to, thus never resulting in an actual pregnancy.

So, now that you know how it works, you can now decide if you think it's OK for 14 year olds to have access to it.

As the mother of 4 children, 3 of whom are girls, the eldest of which is 12, I think this is most DEFINITELY a parental issue. Do I want the schools teaching my kids about sex? No way! There's the basic sex-ed talk in 5th grade and then health in 9th grade (although, it may be 8th now, it's been a LONG time since I've been in school, LOL). I can exempt my kids from those classes if I'd like. However, I don't want sex to be a scary word. I don't want it to be taboo. I want my kids to be able to come to me and ask questions, I want them to be responsible and understand there's more to sex than the actual act itself.

But, I also know that I am in the minority here as far as parents go. My husband and I actively talk to our children. Sex isn't some taboo subject that they're just told no about. I know chances are that my children will probably have sex before marriage. My goal is to make sure that WHEN they decide they are ready they have the information necessary to make intelligent decisions. Sex is to make babies, if you aren't even old enough to get a job, you shouldn't be having sex. If you aren't old enough to work full time, you shouldn't be having sex. If you don't plan to raise a baby WITH your partner, you shouldn't be having sex. Because let's be honest, condoms and birth control BOTH have failure rates that result in pregnancies.

Here's the deal. Most sexually active teens are doing it by choice. And I'd say more than half of those kids have parents that are probably not all that involved in their lives. Generally those parents either don't care if their kid is having sex or they prefer to think that their kid isn't. I call that "ostrich syndrome", the If-I-Don't-See-It-It's-Not-Happening style of parenting. So, when their kid ends up on 16 and pregnant its a HUGE shock to them. Think about this: if a kid is scared to tell their parents they're having sex do you think it's going to be ANY easier to tell their parents they're having sex AND pregnant? I think a fairly logical solution is to make birth control available to those teenagers already having sex.

Having access to birth control doesn't mean that your kid IS going to have sex, and removing any access to birth control doesn't mean your kid ISN'T going to have sex. The best option here is EDUCATION! Educate kids on sex. Don't just tell your kids no. Talk about the diseases that DO destroy lives. Untreated syphilis can KILL you, it can literally make you go crazy. How about AIDS? There's no cure. Look at a person's face and determine if they have AIDS, you can't. How about genital warts or herpes? Think those cold sores are yucky? Wait until you have some in your pants. For women, STDs are even more dangerous. Women don't have the same symptoms as men as infections in women are on the INSIDE of the body. So, it's easier for women to end up with lifelong consequences of STDs, infertility and even death in a worst case scenario.

Education is the answer here. But, what does along with education is being able to trust your child to make the right decisions. You can't control your child. Every choice they make is a decision THEY get to make. And as they get older they start making more and more decisions on their own. You can't walk around behind them telling them to make this decision or that one their entire lives. The best option you have is to give your child the information they need to make the best decision for them. If they think it's a good idea to have sex, they should at least be doing it responsibly with birth control and condoms.

Do I want my children, ANY of them, having sex as teenagers? No way, not a chance! And I will be doing my best to encourage them to wait. However, if they decide not to wait, I'd like to make sure that 1. They trust me, as their mother, enough to be honest with me, and 2. That they are being smart about it. And that means making sure they have access to birth control and condoms.

A family across the political divide

I give. White flag raised, walk off the gangplank, I'm in the water and the sharks are circling. It's just a matter of time now. Society is going to choose the next idiot king to ascend the throne of the Idiot Kingdom. And this election cycle has officially divided my family's vote, something that has not happened in 10 years.

I can't do it. I can't vote for Mitt Romney. I'm sorry, I can't see the reason to vote for someone who has not even collected himself enough to drive a clear campaign. He's all over the map, and he can't be bothered to check his footnotes to make sure he's not putting his foot in his ear. I'm sick of it. I wipe my hands of him at this point. 6 weeks until the election, and he's going to convince the American people he has the reach to bring together the best minds of the nation to right the wrongs of the predecessors? It's like handing a bazooka to a toddler; he can probably hold it in a direction, but it's an even chance between the air and the floor.

Big updates, sorry, I've been slacking!

OK, updates for Miss Brookie. She is LOVING school and doing awesome at school, ZERO behavior or academic issues. She's really thriving on the routine and structure of school. Downside, her teacher is not so great. The one time I tried to talk to her about Brooklyn's skill levels she brushed me off. Her only response was that the math Brooklyn is doing at home is much too hard for a 5 year old. Um really? Then how come she  can get the answers correct? It's not like she's doing multi digit multiplication. She's just doing double digit addition to 99 and subtraction from 19.

Because she's not having any issues with school (behavior or academic) our hands are kinda tied. She wouldn't qualify for an IEP or 504 plan which would be the only way for us to force the teacher into giving her harder course work. Our other options are to keep doing more complicated work with her at home and try to get her evaluated for being moved up to 1st grade, or to to keep doing more complicated work at home and wait for her to get bored and have issues at school.

Updates about Alayna! OK, so LOTS of appointments coming up. Physical therapy evaluation today, occupational therapy evaluation on October 4th, followed by an IEP meeting that same afternoon. Casey Eye Institute eye check on October 15th, and an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon at Shriner's Hospital on October 25th. This makes for a VERY busy family. All that doesn't include all of Brooklyn's appointments (weekly behavior modification and HOPFULLY soon bi-weekly OT).

Alayna is doing OK in school. She's made some friends, a few who live in the same apartment complex as us. She's struggling a bit with the homework. She often needs help with the spelling assignments as they are multiple steps and she gets lost after 1-2 steps. She has struggled with double digit multiplication, I'm not sure she learned it last year as she had no idea how to do it and I had to teach her this year. Her teacher is REALLY awesome. She's been great every time I've had to speak with her about how Alayna was doing in class. She's going to attend the IEP meeting, so it'll be nice to get her take on how Alayna is progressing.

Alayna is joining the "friendship" club at school. I think it should help as she really struggles with friends. She's just not at the same level as kids in her peer group (2 years behind her age group) and it causes issues with maintaining friendships.

So, those are the updates for now. I will update again once we know anything from any of the many appointments.

Meltdowns....

We had meltdowns all weekend. I think it's due to all of the changes lately, one half day of school just wasn't the best idea for introducing Kindergarten to the incoming students. We have made it part of our bedtime routine to talk with Brooklyn about the next day. What are our plans, what time are we getting up, etc.  This seems to have helped her. Well, last week was NOT a normal week.

Brooklyn went to ONE half day of school last week. So, she had VASTLY different days all week. Monday was different because Joe was off due to Labor day. Tuesday she came with Alayna and I to Alayna's intake appointment at the same clinic Brooklyn goes to. Wednesday the big kids went to a regular full day of school, and then Brooklyn met her new therapist for the first time. Thursday Brooklyn had a half day of school, and Friday it was just Brooklyn, Bella, and I at home. So, all weekend we had meltdown central at the Ryder house. Tears, sobbing hysterically, MUCH more aggression. Nothing I did helped her.

Brooklyn really enjoyed her half day of school last Thursday. She even made a friend, which is kind of a big thing. Brooklyn doesn't always do so well with other kids. She's much more intense than the typical child. Friday afternoon we found out who her teacher is, what sucks the most is that the only kid she made friends with isn't even in her class.

Anyways, I am trying to come up with ideas on how to help avoid meltdowns. Talking her through the plans for the following day every night seems to be helping. But, this last weekend was awful. Lots of meltdowns.

This is the first full week of school on, what will become, our regular schedule. I'm hoping that as she gets used to the schedule, we'll cut down on meltdowns.

****EDIT****
Well, most of the night tonight was full of meltdowns. I'm thinking maybe Brookie was tired and worn out from school, she went to sleep SUPER easy tonight and right on time. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

More porn than ever before

If it wasn't for the perverse ways of the internet, I'd let my kids be on it. But this internet is not their father's internet. Literally. What you see these days were not there 10 or 20 years ago. Gawd, the fact that there was even an internet at all 20 years ago makes me feel so old I want to start looking into AARP. But even when I was a teen the internet was not the place for unsupervised children. It gets scarier thinking of that time and the fact that there is so much more inappropriateness than any other time in internet history. We parents have to be smart, or at least aware; the well-adjusted lives you may ruin may be those of your own children.

Appointments and more

Alayna's appointment with Shriner's is 6 weeks away. It was the first Thursday they can get us in. And it HAS to be a Thursday because apparently I cannot make appointments for Alayna without Joe signing a power of attorney form that has to be notarized. The laws in Oregon are different that in Washington. The funniest part: I can be designated the person to contact in case of an emergency AND be the one designated as being financially responsible in the state of Oregon, but I can't make appointments OR consent to treatment even with both Joe and Alayna's mom's written consent... Anyways, the lady at Shriner's was willing to work with me on it though and said that so long as Joe comes to the first appointment and signs their form that it won't be an issue.

None of the doctor's in Washington have had an issue and even Casey Eye Institute (which is ALSO in Oregon, although our appointment will be at their Vancouver clinic) didn't have a problem with me being step-mom. I don't refer to myself as "step-mom", it's not a disrespect thing to Alayna's mom and it's not me trying to "lie" to the doctor's offices. I REALLY do NOT like the word STEP. I don't think of Alayna as any different than the other children. I refer to her as my child, my daughter; it just doesn't occur to explain to others that I'm not her biological mom.

OK, back on topic. In October Alayna will be seen at Shriner's in orthopedics for her feet turning out, the toe walking, the tight tendons and muscles, and the "weird" gait. The doctor we're seeing was previously the chief of staff at the Shriner's hospital in Honolulu, Hawaii. That makes me feel like we're getting a really good doctor :)

I don't know much about the doctor we're seeing at the Casey Eye Institute except that she's an assistant professor. Casey Eye Institute is part of OHSU (Oregon Health and Science University). I believe that Shriner's is connect with them as well, so it'll work in case they need to share information for any reason. When it's time to see a geneticist we're going to request to go to OHSU since all of Alayna's other specialist are out of that hospital.

I called the therapy clinic back today because I hadn't heard from them and I found out that the ONE person in charge of scheduling evaluations is out of the office until the 10th (Monday). I left her a message yesterday. I figure I'll give her until Wednesday morning to call me back and if I don't hear from her by then, I'm calling again.

On Monday the 17th we're officially requesting Alayna's IEP. We're going to request a FULL assessment. I'm really more interested in hearing how she's doing cognitively than anything else. The private PT and OT evals will give us a better idea of her physical delays, the IEP assessments will give us an idea of how she's doing academically and cognitively.

Brooklyn has been having a LOT of trouble adjusting to all the changes this past week; the big kids going to school, a new therapist, one half day of school for her, and then meeting her teacher today and seeing her classroom. It has been meltdown central at our house today. We'll see what next week holds, I'm just praying it's better and that she adjusts to school quickly.

Specialists for Alayna

Alayna's check up today went VERY well :) We were able to get referrals for ALL of the specialists we requested, although we did forget one. Whoops! Joe went back and left a message for the doctor though, and I'm certain it won't be an issue.

So, the specialists we need to see/things that were done today:
1. We've been referred to orthopedics at Shriner's Hospital in Portland, Oregon. This is for Alayna's tight muscles and tendons in her legs, ankles, and feet, her toe walking, and her feet turning outward. We're also going to have them take a look at her hips and her trunk rotates quite a bit as she walks, and her hip joints swing out and around rather front and back (if that makes sense).

2. We've been referred to a pediatric ophthalmologist at the Casey Eye Institute in Portland, Oregon (however, they DO have a clinic location in Vancouver, WA so hopefully we can get in there). This will be to check Alayna's eye sight (which even WITH her glasses on she doesn't even have 20/40 vision), and to check the pressure in her eyes regularly (glaucoma is a VERY high possibility due to her disorder).

3. We've been referred to a pediatric therapy clinic for a occupational therapy and physical therapy evaluations.

4. We will be seeing a geneticist sometime in the next year or so just to keep updated with new developments with Peter's Plus Syndrome.

5. Alayna had a thyroid panel done. 2 years ago one of her levels was elevated, but the other was right in the middle of the normal range. However, due to the one level that was elevated her doctor wanted her rechecked in 3 months and if it was still elevated then he wanted her seen by an endocrinologist. Well, her levels were NEVER rechecked. If she DOES have a thyroid issue it could be the cause of a couple of other issues she's having. There have been several children that we know of with Peter's Plus Syndrome that have thyroid issues and Alayna's mom was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at 12 years of age.

6. We'll need to schedule a full developmental assessment. I'm not sure where or how. We're waiting on our pediatrician to get back to us on that one.

I've called the ophthalmologist office, therapy clinic, and Shriner's Hospital and left messages to schedule appointments. I should hear back from them all by tomorrow afternoon.

***EDIT***
So, apparently our insurance doesn't like to cover developmental assessments. I'm wondering if it'll change their minds if they find out that regular developmental evaluations are suggested to properly treat Peter's Plus Syndrome, we'll have to call and find out :) Anyways, our pediatrician suggested that for now we focus on the Shriner's appointment, the PT and OT evals, and the eye doctor's appointment. Especially considering that Alayna's prescription for her glasses isn't strong enough and we have no idea when her last pressure check was done. He said that we should wait on the developmental assessment until after her IEP assessment. That if we have issues/disagree with the IEP assessments then it'll be easier to get the insurance to cover the developmental assessment.

The new therapist and stuff

Today was Brooklyn's first therapy appointment with her new therapist since her old therapist moved. It went really well I think. Her office is very Brooklyn friendly, meaning microfiber furniture, a sandbox, and lots of cool toys. She seems really super nice too. Brooklyn actually spoke to her a couple of times, so that was pretty awesome.

I had to go through the "what brings you to therapy" speech again. Maybe I'll just record it on my phone so I remember to hit all the important details. I keep mentioning high functioning Autism and Aspergers to every therapist we meet, but so far other than a couple statements of "I believe Brooklyn IS on the spectrum" we're not really any close to a diagnosis.

I'm just hoping that eventually we'll get to a place where Brooklyn can at least be evaluated by an Autism expert.

Anyways, we're STILL waiting on the OT report. He said it would take him 2-3 weeks, well yesterday was the 3 week mark and I'm getting antsy. I think I'm going to wait until next week and then start calling.

Miss Brookie has her first day of school tomorrow! She's VERY excited, although I'm not sure if she remembers that I won't be staying with her. We packed her lunch for school, not exactly the healthiest choices: raisin bread, jello with pineapple, apple sauce, ritz crackers, and a fruit snack. I know what you're thinking, trust me. But, my options are limited and it's either send her with what I KNOW she'll eat or risk her not eating at all and going hungry all day.

We're going to go shopping this weekend and hopefully get some foods she'll actually eat. She has so many food aversions it makes sending lunch a chore, and there's NO WAY she'll eat what the school makes for lunch.

Oh, another cool thing, we've been scheduling the day like crazy. Every night before bed we talk about what the next day's schedule will be. We'll get up at this time, eat breakfast, get dressed, brush your teeth, etc. Everything is planned out so that she knows what will come next every step of the way. It's REALLY cut down on meltdowns. I'm just dreading the moment when things don't go as expected... But, we'll cross that bridge when we get there!

Back to school take 1!

Aiden and Alayna started school today... I can proudly say I held off on the tears until the drive home. I have  some pictures on our big camera, but the computer that reads the card had a power supply failure :( So, those pictures will have to wait. Thankfully my cell phone has a camera and I got pictures!!

My beautiful Alayna!! First day of 5th grade!!

My big kids outside of the school!

My awesome boy! First day of 4th grade!

First day of school 2012 waiting to get into the truck and head off to school!

Keep your eyes open for Brooklyn's first day of Kindergarten pictures tomorrow!

Back to school

Today was the back to school BBQ at the kids' school. We got to meet Aiden's 4th grade teacher and Alayna's 5th grade teacher. Both seem really great. I wish I had more time to talk with Alayna's teacher though. I think I'm going to schedule a few minutes to talk with her Thursday after school, just so she has an idea of where Alayna is at and what help she'll need. She said she was going to go to the office and look at Alayna's file at the information we've already submitted to the school before tomorrow.

We took a walk through all of the Kindergarten classes and met all of the Kindergarten teachers. There's one teacher that Brooklyn seems to like, she actually SPOKE to her, which is kind of a big deal for Brooklyn. So, I think I may mention that to them on Thursday.

Tomorrow Aiden and Alayna start school! I don't know what to think... My babies are all getting so big. I know this will be good for them, but man, I am SO going to miss them all day long. Thursday Brooklyn just attends for a half day and then Friday afternoon at 3pm she'll get to meet her official teacher and see her classroom. On Monday all the kids go to their regular full day.

Anyways, off to go pack lunches for tomorrow.

Prescription refills

Brooklyn's therapy clinic requires a weeks notice to refill prescriptions. Because she's on Adderall we have to pick up a paper prescription every month. There's no calling in a refill or faxing in a prescription from the doctor's office. Nope, they need a hard copy each and every month. Which is fine. I mean, picking up a prescription once a month is MUCH easier than the weekly and bi-weekly appointments we already have going on.

So, last Monday I called the therapy clinic to order a new prescription. Amazingly enough the doctor was able to write it that day and they mailed it out to me, I got it the next day. So, here I am on Tuesday with a prescription that can't even be filled until the following Monday. I seriously SHOULD have just taken it to the pharmacy that day and just waited to pick it up until the following Monday. But no, I thought I'd be smart and just wait until the weekend to get it done. The prescription was placed on my desk (which is NOT organized in the slightest). Fast forward to Sunday and the inability to FIND the prescription. And this is when I remembered that Alayna helped clean up and most likely threw away the prescription.

She feels bad, even though it totally was NOT her fault. The only person responsible is me. So, I totally feel like an idiot. I screwed up. I go to call the therapy clinic yesterday and it's closed for the holiday. So, I called her pediatrician in the hopes that maybe they could help us out... Nope, they're closed too. I finally get in touch with the secretary of the psychiatrist at the therapy clinic, she says she's going to get the note to the doctor and she'll call me back. Except, her tone... seriously judgmental.

First off, unless you've lived my life, DO NOT judge me. I'm not perfect, mistakes will be made, I'm only human. I've had extra kids ALL weekend. Friday and Saturday from 1pm ish to after midnight I had my niece and nephew. Sunday I have them from about 1ish until around 6ish. I had the kids' cousin over all weekend from Friday evening until later today. It's been a bit insane. I'm sorry I'm not a perfect parent capable of doing all things perfectly without any mistakes. I am SO NOT that person.

The only plus side to all of this is that we have to go to the therapy clinic today for Alayna's intake appointment. So, we're already going to be there this afternoon. Oh, and we get to go back tomorrow afternoon for Brooklyn's appointment.

And, on top of all of that, tomorrow is the first day of school!! Aiden and Alayna are the only ones going to school tomorrow. This week Brooklyn only goes to one half day on Thursday. And Thursday morning is also Alayna's doctor's appointment with our pediatrician. There is a LIST of things we need accomplished with that appointment; PT eval referral, OT eval referral, SLP eval referral, thyroid panel done, endocrinologist referral, geneticist referral, eye doctor referral, and a full developmental assessment referral.

Go ahead, do the math, figure out how many weekly and bi-weekly appointments that means for the Ryder family. Well, technically it depends on which services Alayna qualifies for, but worst case scenario we're talking 2 weekly/bi-weekly appointments for Brooklyn and 4 weekly/bi-weekly appointments for Alayna. Add in monthly doctors appointments for Brooklyn for medication management and every 6 month appointments for the dentist for all 4 kids and every 6 months for Alayna's eye check... Yea.

Busy busy busy.

The undecided branch of Ryders

BigDaddy is the right-leaning moderate in the family. Not sure where the kids will end up, but I hope a little to the center as well. Why? Because I expect my next generation to live within the times at hand and find responsibility through an ever-questioned social agreement. I do not believe that at all times any one party has all the answers. I am never to expect myself a career-conservative, nor a lifetime-liberal. I'm happy being on the fence, because I can pick out the stupid people better from up here.

It's no wonder my wife has already picked her candidate for president. It could have been any Republican, and she would have voted for him. Of course, with Obama in the incumbent seat, you could have written in steamed broccoli as a nominee and she'd vote for it; "as long as Obama is gone," she says, "broccoli would get my vote."

I'm not so quick to bandwagon. No offense to her. It's the decisiveness and rally cry that I love about her. I don't care if she is one of those crazy Republican nutjobs, nor that such a title is self-imposed. She has true conviction and self-worth. I respect her for that.

But I have to look at Romney and wonder if I would be happy with him as president. I will say most of his speech at the RNC (watch in its entirety on YouTube) had references that were inherently me: student who can't find the work he studied to do, waking up in poverty, not even able to volunteer in my local community, something I've wanted to do for a long time. But it's one thing to say that you'll create jobs, and claim them to be quality jobs, and another to really do that. Freakonomics co-author Stephen Dubner talks on radio and television talk shows about how the president really doesn't have much control over job creation. He or she can create projects that need workers, but ultimately anything that is so concrete that it creates permanent jobs has more or less been addressed in current departments. The development of the Department of Homeland Security was the last successful job creation initiative, and it has worked on that aspect (I won't go into the rest of its track record for this segment).

Obama creates jobs based on temporary work, namely infrastructure. Most infrastructure jobs are handled by two types of companies: local and national. There is a catch with either type. For local companies to come in and do the jobs, it's likely that local jobs would be temporary, just long enough to take care of the infrastructure projects at hand. Once done, or slowed by budgeting, local jobs disappear. National companies would ensure work for any worker able to travel, but would either require the person to be single or able to be away from family for extended periods. As well, local jobs for those unable to make the trek would be harder to find.

Is there a happy medium? Not really. Best not to focus on infrastructure jobs, though not removing them completely from budgets. Our failing infrastructure is why we are so vulnerable to nature's disasters. The electric grid just by itself could create thousands of jobs if upgraded, but again require a more permanent or other related job to fall back to once complete.

On top of that, Romney, as an investment executive, knows that government cannot create the types of jobs that pull in six figures. Businesses do that by creating demand. A great instance of that is the wind turbine technician. These people get paid very well, but for good reason, namely the hundreds of feet below their office, the access panel on the service deck of a wind turbine. Was this position created by government? No. Government created the market, and created regulations that required specifications to be met before turbines could even be erected let alone turned on. This required a specialized skill set. But it was the businesses that met that demand and regulation requirement that trained and defined the type of person who was so specialized it could make so much money being a rock climber on the biggest stripper poles in the world.

And unlike Obama's experience, he knows what kind of R&D investors want to see to let go of their money. I would be interested in seeing data on how many companies Bain Capital invested in that was helped out by the policies of the Obama administration. No, really, I would. I'd be swayed a little more either way depending on the existence of any at all, the ratio of companies who did as opposed to companies that did not, and the success of those investments. It's more interesting than Romney's tax records.

Just for the record, I could give two dry martinis of poo what Romney's income was. I do think that it is a conflict of interest to be President of the United States while being an active member of any business. This is not explicitly disallowed by the Constitution, but is political grey water to the point that it should be avoided. For instance, if Romney were still running Bain Capital, and was also CEO, he could easily create regulations that benefited investment firms, just like his. And even without his active presence, I am sure watchdogs will be looking for this bias closely.

For that matter, could a wealthy business owner tell his business contacts that he will not be endorsing the decision on tough issues that will make them happy? After the presidency, I doubt he would retire. He would need some sort of business black book to leverage future positions or businesses. To be purely bipartisan and unbiased is fairly impossible for a person who has so many "friends" in white-collar places.

I don't think Obama has been very helpful over the last four years. I can smell the seeds of change being sown. I can see that even liberals don't like the results of some of his policies, even though they may not recognize these after-effects as coming from Obama's policies.

One big example in Washington State is the reduction of qualifying families for the Diversion Cash Assistance (DCA) option of the TANF program. Families who used to be able to depend on this grant to save them from losing their home or utilities, including those on SSI, were told they no longer qualify due to new tighter income limits (you now have to make a maximum of $1472 to meet the half of net monthly income test for qualifying as a family of six, like us). In most examples of the net income limit, families must make less than minimum wage full time or an extremely limited part time income just to qualify for this option. A family of 6 making $1472 would not survive in today's economy unless they were on housing assistance and had other programs involved. Someone like me who may have an unexpected medical, vehicle or family expense that reduced my ability to pay rent (because I live paycheck to paycheck) would not qualify for help in any way.

The cause on the federal side: the unchanging TANF block grant process initiated by President Clinton in 1996. The block grant process does not change based on caseload, as pointed out by the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities. Federal funds also do not require states to use the money for anything specific, like helping families directly. The CBPP offers a good example of this:

"In fiscal year 2007, before the onset of the recession, states used just 30 percent of their federal and state TANF funds to provide basic assistance to families with children. When the economy slumped badly and TANF caseloads began rising, state TANF agencies were unable to reclaim the transferred funds to cover the costs of providing assistance to the growing number of families in need."

Obama could make this a priority, especially for a progressive. Restructuring the TANF federal budget to be more dynamic based on individual, or even average, caseload would mean more assistance to those who really need it and a hand-up for families who don't want to rely on TANF long-term but need the help now. Obama's inaction on this issue results in less help for families.

I am torn between wanting to support a conservative who seems to be more aligned with my own views and not wanting to take on a new idiot with new ill effects for an already damaged economy...

I expect, in time, I will find my answer. I refuse not to vote. I just would hate after all this time not being happy with the Obama administration to feel I have to vote for him to prevent new stupidity moving into the White House.

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By the way, speaking of jobs, I am officially to fat to be a DirecTV installer. They won't let my weighted girth on the ladder. This troubles me and saddens my heart. Let the sit-ups and spinach leaves commence.