Listening to the teachers, they each had the same graphic in each classroom: a triangle that connected "Students", "Teachers", and "Parents". The school is also pushing parental involvement because they know, like I do, that if students are left to their own devices, or they believe that teachers and parents don't know what each other are doing, students at their age will not be self-motivated enough to get a consistent application of the knowledge they are absorbing.
We as parents can challenge our children in ways the school cannot or will not. We can also create confusion when different messages are being given to a child. Ever heard an adult say, "You'll never use that kind of math in the real world," and really mean it? They were probably told that by peers or parents and that's how they approached their learning. These same kids either didn't get to advanced algebra or calculus, or they did and never did anything with it. They really needed to know that calculus and scientific careers go hand in hand, that trigonometry and programming complement each other. They needed to hear that if you know how to write in correct grammar with a large vocabulary you can be a news correspondent, a presidential speech writer or a cutting-edge blogger. And they needed to understand that it really does improve their ability to make money, enjoy their work and share their skills with the world.
It seems reasonable that the easiest thing we can do as parents is make the language, tone and encouragement that the teachers give their students a common practice during school work at home. When a teacher helping a student with a math problem is saying, "You're on the right track, you just need to try this and you'll have it," but when the student is home his or her parent is saying, "You know this. Why is it you can't just do the work like I know you can? I think you're just being lazy," there is a clearly mixed message between educational authorities.
Good teachers are trained to be and will consistently be positive and encouraging to a student. As they get older, you can adjust your approach depending on how your child works best (some kids end up working better when they're challenged to do it right and seeing where they got it wrong; it's a fact). But again it has to be consistent with what the school is doing with your child. If you believe your teacher is not teaching the way that is best fitting with your older child's learning habits, you need to be willing to work with them to make it right.
So think about how you are speaking when you are trying to get a pesky math sheet done with an 8-year-old, a book report flushed out with a 6th grader, or even a penmanship page with a kindergartner. Are you telling them how much you think they could do but are not, or are you telling them they're on the right track and you know they can get it if they try again? Are your words positive, encouraging and motivating? Or are they discouraged because you've just told them they are lazy and not trying? You have an effect on their ability to learn in the classroom because you are their parents. No matter how much they may say they don't care about what you think, they do. They always do.
For more ideas on how to give positive, constructive feedback to a student, whether helping with homework or homeschooling, check out the following references:
- Some basics from the Department of Education's Learning Partners program.
- More homework basics from the University of Illinois Urban Extension program.
- Focus on Effectiveness, part of the Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory, on Reinforcing Effort (Dr. Mel Levine)
- WikiHow.com article on how to get kids to do homework.
- Larry Ferlazzo's three-part series on engaging parents in education as posted on Education Week's blog.
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