Wow, nearly 1200 views of my blog about Emilee, and comments from strangers. That's pretty impressive seeing as none of my previous blogs managed to rake in no more than 50 or so views each.
Thank you all for sharing the blog, and for supporting Emilee's son, friends, and family.
It's times like this, when it's quiet, and all I can hear are my thoughts that it's the hardest. Those little "what ifs" that pop up in your head, the "if onlys" that scream through your mind. The terrible ache in your heart that can't be stopped. In my mind I know I did all that I could, but my heart... My heart says maybe I could have helped save her if I had reached out one more time. Just once more. Who knows? I think that's the worst part, the wondering of what I could have done differently.
Those of you who've heard about Emilee and judged her as a coward, or selfish, or thoughtless of her son, PLEASE do not judge 25 years of her life based on one final choice. You haven't lived her life, experienced her experiences, or suffered her loss and pain. No one is in a position to judge her. She was an amazing person, who suffered a lot of loss and pain in her 25 years.
Depression is real. It is life altering. It is beyond painful. Calling someone a coward when the depression wins isn't helpful. It makes the problem worse. How is someone suffering from depression so badly they would consider suicide supposed to feel when they hear, or read, those words? Do you think they'll reach out for help knowing you think them a coward?
I believe that Emilee is in heaven, with her sweet daughter Leila Grace, her parents and all of her loved ones who passed before her. I know that her heart is free of pain. I only hope that her son can someday understand that it wasn't about him. His mother loved him more than anything in this world. From the day she learned he was growing in her body her heart was his.
So please, please don't judge Emilee. Please don't judge her life based on one moment of utter weakness and pain.
I struggle with this one Morgan. On the one hand, I see it perfectly fit for those of you close to her to celebrate her life and reflect upon the joy and goodness she brought to each of you. This is more for your benefit as loved ones in mourning. On the other hand, I also see it fit for those of us detached from the situation to not judge the person but condemn the act. Some acts are so damaging that a society must condemn them no matter what the circumstances. This is not to fulfill our need to point fingers but to stigmatize such destructive behavior so that it may be prevented to whatever degree possible in the future. You are right that it is not right to judge the person as a whole. If she were truly selfish, she would not have made the impact she had upon you and others in her life. Her final act was absolutely selfish. That's probably not something that needs to be said directly to those in mourning on an emotional level, but if I am able to speak to the strictly logical you (perhaps even a few months in the future to allow for time to heal), I would say that we must make the statement as a society that her final act is not tolerable and will have inflicted everlasting damage upon that innocent young boy.
ReplyDeleteI understand that. And I agree that suicide is selfish. She took herself from her son, her fiance, and a lot of others who loved her. But, 25 years of life shouldn't be defined by one final act, you know?
ReplyDeletesuicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. some may say its a selfish but you have to understand what is going on in the mind of a person that takes this step. its easy for us to say things bad about someone we know that is know longer with us. but really some things become really hard to think about or talk about. also there is long no one could understand that is going on with her as we never had deal with stuff she had. the only thing you could of done is be a friend and try to understand. the fact is now is we cant fix what happen but we can stop this from happening with other friends by reading and finding out about what they call tell tell signs. you can find alot about this on the net. lets emilee live in a hearts by helping others and being the friends we need to be with others. then there her live will really mean something. just think the next time you have a friend feeling blue, know that just talking with them can really save a life.
ReplyDeleteSuicide is a selfish act. The definition of selfish is: (of a person, action, or motive) Lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
DeleteA suicidal person isn't thinking of others, they are only thinking of themselves and their pain. Having a selfish moment, or having a selfish action doesn't make a person selfish.
I would have never described Emilee as a selfish person.
I think what people forget is that it only takes a second for someone to make this decision. One second of selfishness in a lifetime is not a lot and should never define someone. In that short time it takes to do this I think people are so consumed with hurt that that is all they think about. They don't think about the people who love them, their children, their family because they are consumed with a hurt that we can only imagine. I wouldn't say we have to condemn the act Bobby because everyone knows it's wrong. We don't have to turn a blind eye though. We can teach people that there is a way out.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is anything anyone could have done to save someone who does this. I think the short time that it takes to do this doesn't allow people to interject and help. When we know someone is hurting I think we should stand by them, no matter the cost to our lives, until they can stand again. I think we need to reach out, help and love our friends through hard times and if we have done that then there is nothing more we can do. Don't beat yourself up on what you could have done but on what you can do.
Dallas is going to need people to tell him stories about his mom his whole life, have someone there to talk to and rely on and I think that is the best thing you can do for Emilee. I think she lives on in so many lives that she touched, the hearts if her friends and through the love of her family. She should never be defined a selfish person because we did not feel her hurt. We don't know her pain. We did not live those last moments. She was a beautiful person and that is how she will be remembered.
Just the few encounters i had with Emilee I knew she had a beautiful soul. She had more love for her family than any woman I had met. She made me appreciate being a mother. She helped me to want to hug my kids just one more time before bed. Yes suicide is selfish. Emilee was not. She was anything but selfish.
ReplyDelete...I would just really like to know how Will is doing.