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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Couple in Vancouver found not guilty of "caging" two autistic boys

So, read that title again. Yep, CAGING two young autistic boys ages 5 and 7. I'm sure your blood is boiling right about now and you are thinking what you would do to these "parents" if you ever got your hands on them.

Now, consider that the boys weren't CAGED in the sense that you're thinking. They weren't put in dog kennels, actual cages, or anything of the like. A "cage-like door" was put on their bedroom door to keep them in one room when their dad and his girlfriend couldn't watch them.

Please keep in mind, I am in NO way,shape, or form condoning what these people have done. Do I think that the are "bad" parents? No, I think they are ill-equipped to meet the needs of two severely Autistic young children. These people were doing what they felt necessary to keep the boys, and their 2 other children safe.

In court, what came out was that the father and his wife fed the boys 3 times a day, their father went in and changed their diapers, played with them, cuddled them, loved them, they were allowed to watch TV, and they were home schooled. Nothing, out side of the "cage" door, else was going on. They were not neglected or abused in the sense that one generally thinks. Under NO circumstances do I believe that it is acceptable to LOCK a child into a room like they did (they had two metal wire closet shelves attached to the sides of the door and locked in the middle). It's most definitely a fire hazard and a HUGE safety issue.

What I don't get is why it went this far? We have children being beaten or their needs being neglected CPS is willing to work with them to correct this. They give them financial assistance, they offer them parenting support and classes. I know this first hand because I know of TWO different families who have had that type of "help" from CPS. Honestly, I think that this father loves his children, I think he truly wanted to take good care of them. But that he and his girlfriend didn't have a CLUE what that meant.

There are SO many services available, especially is larger areas like the Vancouver, WA/Portland, OR area. The Children's Home Society in Vancouver has amazingly helpful services including parenting support and classes. Innovations NW has a great therapy program for special needs children from birth to age 3 at which point children transition into their local school district program. There is Early Head Start which offers FREE evaluations for children ages birth to 3. From 3-5 (pre-Kindergarten) a child can get a FREE evaluation from their local school district. Once a child starts school a parent can request an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) evaluation, they don't even have to have a reason. Your child can be getting straight As and have a PERFECT record and you still have the right. The school then has 30 days to perform their evaluations. Your pediatrician is another GREAT resource.

I have a "special needs child". I understand what it feels like knowing that your child is a potential "danger" to your other children. When Brooklyn is not on her medication she is very impulsive and tends to react aggressively, especially towards Aiden. I can only imagine what it would be like to have a child with the safety comprehension of a 1 year old and the body of a 5 or 7 year old... Baby gates were worthless in my house by the time my kids were a year old, they would just climb them.

The difference here is that I would NEVER consider locking my child in a room to keep either her or her siblings safe. She did almost 8 months of behavior modification therapy in 10-11 and in 2 weeks starts a new behavior modification program. I've spoken to her pediatrician several times about my concerns, I make sure she gets her medicine every day, I keep a VERY close eye on her, and I've already spoken to her school about her starting Kindergarten in the Fall. I've done my research on how to best help her. I don't consider myself abnormally smart or an exceptionally great parent. I think I'm fairly intelligent and I do my best as a parent.

I think these boys are better off in a home with parents who CAN and WILL meet their needs. Who will make sure they're in therapy to help them reach their full potential, who will work with them daily and let them SAFELY explore their world in the hopes of finding a way to cope in it. Do I think these parents deserve jail time? No. I think they are probably better off raising their typical developing children and visiting with the special needs boys.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Tatyana

Tatyana was a beautiful young girl. I can't quite remember exactly how she met our family, only that she and her brother and sister went to school with my brother and sister. Tatyana, her sister Nadia, and my sister Whitney became best friends. It wasn't long before Tatyana, Nadia, and Vladimir (their brother) were honorary members of our family.

On their one year anniversary of being in the United States my parents bought their parents a cake to celebrate and our families became one. There were BBQs, birthdays, holidays, sleep overs, etc. Nearly every morning Nadia, Tatyana, and Vladimir would climb the fence between our two houses to come over, eat breakfast, and  watch cartoons with us.

Tatyana went camping with us nearly every summer, she even went on a family vacation to Disneyland with my parents and siblings. Even after Tatyana's family moved to the other side of town we remained very close with her family. Even after they moved to another town in southwest Washington we remained close.

Sadly, we did lose contact a bit, people grew up, got jobs, became responsible adults. Tatyana and Whitney were working on rebuilding their friendship when the unthinkable happened. On Wednesday May 9th Tatyana disappeared. On Thursday May 10th her sister, Dina, came to my parents' house asking if Tatyana was with Whitney or if Whitney had seen her. No one had. You couldn't help but think of the worst.

On Friday May 11th, 2012 around 3pm a body of a young woman was found in a ditch on the side of highway 503 just north of the Battle Ground Cinemas. This was right near where Tatyana was supposed to be the day she went missing. Instantly we all knew it was her, but it wasn't until that evening when it was confirmed. Our dear sweet Tatyana was gone, the victim of a hit and run driver.

Wednesday May 16th at 7pm a funeral service was held. Tatyana's sisters thought she should be buried in a wedding dress as she had never gotten the chance to get married. Tatyana looked beautiful in her white wedding dress with a green flower in her hair. On Thursday May 17th at 11am we laid Tatyana to rest.

Tatyana was born June 9th, 1989 to her loving parents. Tatyana had 9 sisters, 4 brothers, and many nieces and nephews. Tatyana was taken from us May 9th, 2012.

Tatyana will forever be missed. Her beautiful smile, her wonderful personality, a little quirky, but so full of love. I don't think I've ever seen Tatyana not happy. So many lives were forever changed by knowing Tatyana, and those lives will forever be effected by her sudden and tragic loss.

I love you Tatyana. Not a day will go by that we wont think of you and remember what an amazing person you were. In the words of my 5 year old daughter, Brooklyn, "Tatyana is an angel now watching over us and keeping us safe." I think that's a very accurate description of where Tatyana is now. And I know she's smiling.

If you, or someone you know, knows anything about Tatyana's death, please come forward and contact Battle Ground PD. Detectives are seeking witnesses who might have seen any suspicious activity at around 9 p.m. Wednesday just north of the Battle Ground Cinemas.

Anyone with information about a suspect vehicle can call Detective Joshua Phelps at 360-342-5254 or email him at at Joshua.Phelps@cityofbg.org. There is also a tip line at www.cityofbg.org/tips where an anonymous tip can be sent.

https://www.facebook.com/JusticeForTatyana

Bad stuff happens, and has...

Made with deviantArt muro by Joe
Seems like the last few weeks has been a lesson in dealing with the negatives of life. A customer of mine and good acquaintance who frequented my work died, shot by a crazy friend's neighbor at a party. Our friend, Jennifer Peters, died from her fight with cancer. Then just this last week a girl our family has known for a very long time, Morgan for 15 years and me for 10, died from a hit-and-run when she crossed SR503 in Battle Ground. It's not what anyone wants to go through. Add the frustrations of work and having so much stuff in such a small apartment, it forces you to consider what you can do to counteract this feeling of hopelessness, like the world is fighting against you.

It seems so cliche to say, "Use these tragedies to learn a lesson and make yourself better." But why shouldn't you make that the first thing you do in times like this? A friend dies in a shooting, so you make a point to consider the places you frequent and the people you let your children hang out with. A very good person dies of cancer, and you decide to donate your time in some way to cancer survivors. Someone gets hit on a busy highway so you donate money to a cause that provides traffic safety education to children. And in the midst, you remember these people not as tragic stories of loss but instead as inspirations to greatness.

As my quick little sketch above states, bad stuff happens. There's really not much you can do to be affected by the sublime events of life; sometime, somewhere, some way, you will be caught up in the ripple effect of a tragedy. It's inevitable. The question you have to ask yourself is what you will do when it happens. Will you let it take over your thoughts, coloring your world with a dark overtone and a haze of depression? Or will you focus the light in your life on your dark spot to clear its effect on you away?

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Kindergarten

Today was Brooklyn's Kindergarten orientation. It went well. She had a bit of an issue separating from me at first, but did great. They took all the kids off on a tour of the school, they go to play in the gym while meeting the PE teacher and play in the music room while meeting the music teacher The parents got to learn about Kindergarten curriculum.

Apparently I was the only person in the room who had questions about what happens when your child knows all of the things you plan to teach them.

With writing the teachers were talking about how they'd do handwriting practice every day and that the initial focus was to get the kids to draw a picture, then add details in, then add in letters for the beginning word sounds, then words, then sentences, then finally sentences with details. Um.. Brooklyn's writing sentences. I was the only one with a question about the teachers meeting the needs of kids who have already passed those areas.

With reading they mentioned that they have kids who range in skill from about the age of 3-8 and that they were prepared to meet the need of the kids in those skill levels. Brooklyn's reading Kindergarten-1st grade 1 page "stories". I was the only one who's child is already reading.

In math... They are going to teach the kids how to count objects, to understand the idea of numbers. That they'll eventually teach the kids how to add small numbers (like the dots on a domino, how many are on the left, how many are on the right, how many total). Then, towards the end of the year they'll finally get to do actual addition. Brooklyn is doing double digit addition with no carrying, and double digit subtraction with no borrowing. She can count objects to over 100... I was the only person who had questions about the teachers meeting the needs of kids who have already passed those areas.

The principal, assistance principal, and Kindergarten teachers say they shouldn't have a problem meeting Brooklyn's needs curriculum wise. I really hope they can. I don't want to have to butt heads with the school to make sure that her academic needs are being met.

There were no complaints from anyone about Brooklyn's behavior. Although, I don't know if she actually interacted with the other students. But, my baby girl is well on her way to being a Kindergartner!!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Squishy Baff

My 4 year old got some for her birthday, and tonight we tried it for the first time. My biggest concern was "is that crap going to go down the drain?" Well, it did, but that turned out to be the least of our worries.

It is most definitely NOT a night time thing. The girls needed a bath tonight before bed and they BEGGED for squishy baff. So, daddy and I gave in and we started the bath. Have you ever seen the inside of a diaper? Yea, that's basically what this stuff turns into.

The girls had a blast, but it definitely was a bit too much for Brooklyn. She's having a LOT of trouble settling down for the night. We did our normal bed time routine (pajamas, teeth, bed, kiss the kids, kiss all the stuffed animals, kiss the kids again, give hugs, and tuck them in), nope. Every excuse in the book is being used: I have to go potty, I'm thirsty, I had a bad dream, I thought of great grandma and was sad. (The kids' great grandma died a couple days after Christmas and it was really hard on them).

I think it's going to be a melatonin night for Miss Brookie, because THIS momma needs her rest!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Another step in the right direction

Well, it's KIND OF a step in the right direction. Brooklyn had originally had testing done for Celiacs disease about a year ago. It came back with one normal and one slightly high (I'm not exactly sure HOW the test breaks down, but that's what we were told). That was right in the middle of behavior modification therapy.

Last week we saw a new doctor about a second opinion, I'm not certain that ADHD is the only thing going on with her. The new doctor ordered a new Celiac's test. Today, we found out that the test came back perfectly normal. While it doesn't give us any specific answers, it rules out gluten intolerance as a cause of the behavior concerns.

Today was a pretty good day, only one minor meltdown. My mom took us, my sister, my nephew, and my aunt out to lunch. Brooklyn couldn't decide where she wanted to sit and then finally picked where she wanted, except that someone was already sitting there. After lots of tears and playing musical chairs she was finally content with her place at the table.

We're still playing phone tag with the insurance company. I have to get pre-approval for therapy at the new location and I have to speak to a specific person. Unfortunately he's never available when I call. Hopefully we can get that figured out soon so that we can get an intake appointment started ASAP. It should help us come fall when she starts Kindergarten and we push for an IEP.

Outside of the one minor meltdown, we did have a couple other fun issues. Bella gave herself a blood nose this morning and refused to listen to ANYTHING I had to say about how to fix it. I'm going to try to get the blood out of her green shirt with hydrogen peroxide, but I think it may be ruined. After about 15-20 minutes we finally got it to stop. Brooklyn has this thing with sticking her fingers in her ears, apparently she had some type of scratch in there because she came to me upset because her ear was bleeding. Thankfully it didn't take nearly as long as the nose bleed to stop. However, at lunch she decided to pick at her ear again and start it back up.

Crossing my fingers and saying some prayers that the insurance guy calls us back tomorrow so that we can get things going to get this therapy started!