Things I have to say to my kids: Part 1

This is an installment of a series of posts dedicated to the crazy, disturbing and confusing things we as parents have to say to our kids periodically. For years, we have complained that the things we have to say to these... lovely children... are statements and commands we should not have to say to another human being. In all fun, we would like to share our joys and laughter with you people.

Recently:

"Don't finger paint with the honey. Use a knife."

"You don't tickle the dog's ear with your toes."

"If you lick the couch, you need to have a good reason!"

"Stop sniffing your sister's butt!"

"Sweeping the dirt under the eaves of the cabinets doesn't mean the floor is clean."

"Not playing Club Penguin is not the end of the world!"

"What game requires wearing dirty clothes on your head?"

"I don't know any child that has died because they didn't get candy at movie night."

Some past favorites:

"Stop wiping your bread on your sister!"

"Butter is not facepaint."

"That TV cable is not a neck tie!"

"Why would you fingerpaint in the shower with the rest of the leg shaving gel?"

"What have you people got against wiping off the poop on the toilet seat?"

"The dog does not want to be rolled into a ball."

How about you? What have you had to say to your kids you would never think you had to say to another human being?

Aiden is not as tough as he thought

Aiden, his friend, Alen, and I went to FrightTown at the Memorial Collusium in Portland on November 1st, their closing night. Wow, a great Halloween experience. Lots of anticipation in line. We got in, and they wanted the exhibit with the shortest line. Everyone was heading to the Museum of Horrors, the main attraction which, that night, was Dia De Los Muertos, a celebration of spirits. We ended up going to the zombie-filled house of Contagion.

Once out, they were ready to go home.

I received free tickets from work for attending a training about HP Networking. I immediately let Morgan know and we both had the same thought: Aiden would be thrilled to go. Telling him about it made him dance and make excited monkey noises as he insisted he was eager to go with me. This would be his first real haunted house.

Aiden is 10 years old, almost 11. He has liked scary things for a long time, but I still make sure he isn't too scared to let his imagination go wild. I made sure we saw the web site, and we found some videos on YouTube about it and other haunts. They are not anywhere near the tameness of the 1980s when I was a kid. Back in the day, it was more like a freaky museum. I remember Enchanted Forest in Salem, OR, having a haunted house, and it being creepy rather than scary. There were air cannons and animatronics, including the innovative effect of video projection on a blank faced mannequin. Tame, indeed, compared to the brain-eating, screaming actors in today's museum of horrors.

We went into Contagion after a drill instructor character yelled instructions not to touch the zombies and where the exits were throughout the house. We walked in, darkness disturbed only by small pools of light in corners and off in distances. Within a few turns, a zombie actor, a short woman in full zombie makeup and torn clothes jumped out to hiss at us. Alan shrieked and Aiden barked a yip, immediately jumping behind me and burying his face in my butt. He grabbed my jacket and surrounded his head.

Proceeding through the rest of the haunt, that is how Aiden stayed, face buried into the small of my back and looking to the sides until something scary caught his eye making him shut them tight. Alan had his eyes wide open, fingers in his ears, jumping and dancing away from any actor who made eye contact with him.

Once out of Contagion, I wanted to go see the Museum. They wanted to go home, insisting they will never go through a haunted house again, ever. Well, that was Aiden. Alan said he'd give it two years.

Now, I know what you are thinking if you are a parent who protects your children from anything scary. "Oh my lord, you are going to traumatize him and he will be ruined for life and he will be scared of everything!" Alternately, you could be thinking that as I let him watch scary movies and go through haunted houses that make him pee his little boy pants he will be desensitizes to violence and become an ax murderer. I respect the decision for parents to either prevent or allow scary experiences for their children. There is no correlation proven, in fact, that scary experiences must be followed by psychological ripple effects. It is really up to the person.

I take myself as an example. My childhood was spent drawing monsters and watching scary movies. By the time I was in high school, I had a general interest in horror, but it was being diluted by girls and geeky pursuits like computer graphics. Eventually, while horror and gore was a theme here and there in my art, overall it was not a main interest. My parents neither promoted nor prevented my interest in scary or gruesome experiences, though they gave me other experiences that were positive that broke up the darkness.

I contest that this is the point. Shielding your children from all negative aspects of life can make them unprepared when war, politics, famine, disease or even a bad car accident come their way, let alone a scary movie. The point is to balance your child's interest with positivity. Monitor what your kids experience but don't take over their environment.

Aiden doesn't want to go to another haunted house any time soon. That's fine. He didn't have nightmares, we discussed the makeup process of the actors, and he is fine. He still thought it was a great experience, and he insists on keeping the ticket that, while it proves he only made it through one haunt then chickened out, also proves he went and had fun.

Watch D.O.G.S. meeting takeaways

Watch D.O.G.S. is a program that engages fathers in schools. Positive male role models are important for boys as well as girls, and having a positive male influence in a learning environment can be a powerful experience for a child. Primarily, the Watch D.O.G.S program has been an elementary-level program, completely run by volunteers, not administered by the school directly but usually via PTA organizations. I am signing up as a volunteer for the Evergreen School District and will be present at Covington Middle School with my daughter for one entire day, if not more.

My takeaway from the introduction meeting is not necessarily how wonderful this program is, which is definitely the impression I got about the program. It's not really the potential or the thought of influencing a child's life. It's how many men were there, estimating about 30, and how many of those took volunteer forms to fill out. Some wanted to fill them out immediately. It was amazing.

I am thrilled with the level of dad involvement at Covington. We have all heard the stereotypical dad scenario, overworked and not interested in being too involved with the children because the wife has that handled. This day and age, that is not as much the situation. Between two-income households where both parents are working, changes in work hours, and shifts in the dynamics of child-rearing, you would think it was obvious why men have that stereotype. However, it is more common, even if not enough so, to see a dad that has the responsibility of homework, parent-teacher conferences, extracurricular activities and, yes, even being the one volunteering at the school.

Consider joining the Watch D.O.G.S. program in your school, or start one up! Show your kid, and all the kids out there, that there is a positive male role model in town, and it's you!

Dog love on Instagram

Have you seen Yogurt the Pirate Dog? This is a trend on Instagram, pet love in the form of full accounts dedicated to the little stars. Yogurt is a one-eyed, floppy-tongued female chihuahua with a breathing problem and a following of almost 19,000 people as of this writing. She fits in that category of something that is so ugly it's cute. There are plenty of those kind of animals on Instagram. Here are a few animal-specific profiles for your family to oogle over:

• Dogs
• aikebulldog
• _humphreythegreat_
• little_aussie_scout
• phillipsfurchildren
• olivethefrenchbulldog
• kaceylamaney
• charlie_the_labmix
• chihuahuacharlie
• finntheaussie
• penny_thecavalier
• sammyofawesome
• tcthebeagle
• rosiegirlfriend
• Cats
• 4everfriendscattery
• oliver_the_kitten4
• mimichan_the_cat
• mrmickmarsbar
• thekiricat
• miss_smokeybelle
• kittycentral_
• instablackcats
• ohjellycat
• mrbruceleecat
• tuxxypoo_the_tuxedocat
• sushirulz
• prada_puss

Want to find some trends in Instagram pictures? Go to Statigram and search for a hashtag (like "dogsofinstagram" without the #). It's amazing what you might find. My personal favorite:

http://statigr.am/tag/gooberthepitbull/

I might be biased though.

Hot Cheetos and Takis: Implications of music and family

Get to know the people behind the production in this interview by The FADER.

If you haven't seen the recent buzz about the Hot Cheetos & Takis video (above), and the kids of the Minneapolis North Community YMCA extracurricular rap class Beats & Rhymes, known as Y.N.RichKids, you have missed out on a lot. These aren't just cute kids with a professional music production and a few videos. These kids have, in this parent's opinion, embodied the potential of music to be more than just background noise for kids. In a music market overrun by adult themes, it is the non-profit programs that have been instrumental in developing child-level music appreciation without the degradation of their status in society.

What does that mean? I mean to have you watch the video, the rest of the videos on their web site, and consider what they could be rapping about. The most controversial song I've heard so far on the free downloads (that's right, FREE) of music from Y.N.RichKids is "G.F." on the School House Rap album, about a boy seeing a pretty girl and wanting her to be his girl. Compared to what that could be, the spectrum of lyrics that could go along with a more adult subject like relationships, the song is more middle school "like" than the complexity of "love". In all, I am very impressed with the lyric choices, the subject matter and the professional polish of the music this program is producing. It's something I am not ashamed of letting my kids listen to.

Now, in full disclosure, rap is not generally the favorite of our family. I grew up with rap and hip hop in the 80s and 90s, but my tastes turned to guitar-related music as I was learning guitar and rock myself. Morgan has always been more into pop, country, rock and punk. The kids vary from pop music to tweenpop, though each has their own personal taste (Aiden loves rock and punk, Alayna is more into tweenpop like Sabrina Gomez and Demi Levato, Brooklyn likes pop like Bruno Mars, and Bella likes classic rock). However, it's not like they haven't heard rap and hip hop before. I listen to crossover hip hop and spoken word, like The Roots, Flobots, Scroobius Pip, KRS-One, or crossover beats like Portishead and Massive Attack, something with a message that doesn't include being a thug. Fooling yourself into complacency by rapping about how horrible of a human you can be is just not something I care about, nor is it something my kids should be interested in.

There are some exceptions. I've always been impressed with Eminem, Jay-Z and many of the rappers that came from the 80s. Maybe that's why I like Y.N.RichKids. It reminds me more of that old school sound and cadence, but with more contemporary producing quality.

We need more of this in the mainstream. Where are the record deals for the kid-friendly artists? Sure, the Aquabats have a TV show, but you don't hear them on any mainstream radio. The general public likes controversial. It sells. Meat dresses and naked wrecking ball videos are what sell music to adults that have money.

I haven't bought music in a long, long time. I don't download it illegally either. As I said in a previous post, there is plenty to hear on free radio and public downloads. And as my economic status improves, I'm not adverse to buying a song on iTunes or Google Play if it's something I really like. But album-based consumerism is dying. I'm more likely to find what I want on Pandora or iTunes Radio and then go out and buy it because I want to add it to a collection. And I am adding Y.N.RichKids to that collection.

Aiden is learning trombone, for what reason I still have not worked out. We showed him a video of Mighty Mighty Boss Tones as an example of what that could mean to him as an artist (incidentally, the guy playing trombone in that band is black, like the trombone player included in The Roots touring team). If he wants to try to create something, a recording perhaps, with that instrument, I can work out a hip hop style song on open source software and let him write it himself, using his trombone as a melody.

This is a true implication of what music could be for a family, an expressive channel without the adulthood if needed. Some kids have been through more, and maybe want to express that through song. That is completely fine, as long as the family considers what public performance of such songs can cause, the consequences, both good like support and bad like ridicule, that would occur from such promotion. But include music in your child's life, and do it early. Not just Elmo or nursery rhymes, but real music like Y.N.RichKids, Aquabats, or someone Greasy Kid Stuff plays on their radio show.

Join us as a family enjoying music. As a family.

The first day of school, 2013

It's looming over my shoulder, getting closer and closer. I'm torn between excitement and utter sadness; excitement at the prospects of watching my children grow and learn, and sad at the fact that they ARE growing, and each passing day gets them one day closer to adulthood.

Alayna starts middle school, MIDDLE SCHOOL! She's growing into such an amazing, smart, beautiful, kind young woman. I'm so proud of her. She's worked SO hard this last year. She's made 2-3 years progress in occupational therapy over the last 11 months. We're still waiting on her physical therapy evaluations, but I'm willing to bet there's some amazing progress there too.

Aiden, my sweet sweet boy is starting his last year of elementary school. God, that makes my heart ache. My little boy is not so little anymore. He's nearly as tall as his momma and just all around amazing. He's looking forward to next year and his move into middle school, for now, this momma is just trying to enjoy him as a little boy for one more year. We met his teacher tonight, and thankfully Aiden already knows him as he was Aiden's track coach last year.

Brooklyn is entering 1st grade. She's torn between complete excitement and anxiety. I'm hoping this year is better for her, she spent so much of last year so anxious every step of the way. We met her teacher today and saw her class list, she has friends from last year in her class, I'm really hoping that helps.

Isabella, my baby... She's starting Kindergarten. my baby is starting Kindergarten! She is SO ready. She's THRILLED, she cannot wait! In her mind Kindergarten is the equivalent of a trip to Disneyland. We won't know who her teacher is until Friday afternoon. She gets to go for 1 half day of school next week as a "get to know you and school" day.

Every day my babies get bigger and bigger, they get smarter and smarter, and I love them more and more. For now, I'm going to enjoy the fact that school hasn't started yet, that we still have a few more days of summer vacation, and I still have several more years of my babies as children.

Brooklyn, strep throat, and hospital visits

Saturday August 10th Brooklyn came down with a virus, the same one my nephew Asante had (a day or two of a fever, followed by a day or two of a sore throat). Saturday was fever day, Sunday was sore throat day, and by Monday she was fine. That entire week she was fine.

Until the following Monday, August 19th. That morning she woke up complaining that her neck hurt and she was hot to the touch. I took her temp and it was 101. I called the advice nurse at her ped's office, and she suggested that I take Brooklyn up to the ER to be checked for possible meningitis (which is the first thing they think of when they hear neck pain and fever), especially since Brooklyn was refusing to move her head at all.

At the ER when going over Brooklyn's symptoms with the doctor and the doctor examining Brooklyn it was concluded that it wasn't meningitis. They did a strep test that came back negative (but they always culture it for 24-48 hours). It was decided that she probably just had a virus and we needed to let it run it's course. So, back home we went to use tylenol and motrin for pain and fever and push fluids.

Tuesday August 20th Brooklyn woke up and her neck was visibly swollen, she couldn't swallow and she was crying. So, I called the advice nurse again, she said I should bring Brooklyn in to be checked out, just to be sure there wasn't something else going on. Brooklyn had an elevated temperature, but not a fever. She saw the doctor, and it was concluded that she COULD have mono (too early to test, but she also didn't have any abdomen pain/discomfort that is present with mono), but most likely she had an infection in her lymph nodes. The doctor prescribe Augmentin (an antibiotic). After I got that filled at the pharmacy I got a call from the ER saying that Brooklyn's strep culture was positive, so she did need antibiotics, they said that the Augmentin would work perfectly for that and that she should be feeling MUCH better within 24 hours of the first dose.

Tuesday she got 2 doses of Augmentin in her, but she was still feeling pretty awful, and she looked terrible. She refused to eat or drink anything, she only peed once in 24 hours, and that night she started vomiting. So, back on the phone with the advice nurse I went. She said Brooklyn was most likely on her way to being dehydrated, and I should take her in for IV fluids. So we headed back to the ER.

At the ER the doctor ordered the start of IV fluids, but she was also concerned with possible mono, so she asked the nurse if she would draw a bit of blood for some lab work before starting the IV fluids. They took the blood, started the IV and Brooklyn and I sat back to wait. After a bit the nurse came in and said Brooklyn's white blood cell count was really high, so the doctor wanted to give Brooklyn a broad spectrum antibiotic. Shortly after that the doctor came in to talk to me. She said Brooklyn's white blood cell count was consistent with a MAJOR infection (much more severe than strep throat). The doctor told me that sometimes people can get an abscess in their throat from strep, so she wanted to do an x-ray of Brooklyn's neck and chest.

We did the x-ray and waited for the results. When we got them, the doctor said that the x-rays did show a rather large mass in Brooklyn's throat, so she wanted to give Brooklyn a steroid which would help with her breathing (it wasn't labored, but she was breathing VERY loudly). She said she also wanted to do a CT scan to be sure if the mass was swelling due to the strep throat or an abscess; but that either way Brooklyn was being transferred to a children's hospital.

The CT scan showed that Brooklyn did have an abscess, and the only way to fix it was surgery to clean it out. We had to be transported via ambulance to the children's hospital, and that wait took 2 hours. It was 5am by the time Brooklyn got loaded onto an ambulance. During the wait Joe got the other kiddos to my parents' house and drove up to the children's hospital to wait for us.

Around 6am we got settled into a room. At 8am the surgeon came in to discuss the possibility of surgery with us. He still had to look at the CT scan, but that most likely they would need to go in through the right side of her neck and drain the abscess, they would have to leave a drainage tube, and they'd have to remove that in 3-4 days. He said the surgery was a bit dangerous due to the fact that 1. there's a main artery in her neck, 2. The infection was VERY close to her spine, and 3. the infection could possibly spread down towards her heard.

At 9am we were informed that they were preparing an operating room for her, and by 9:30 we were down in the pre-op room. We met the head surgeon that would be doing her surgery and he said that he should be able to go down her throat and access the abscess, this would mean no drainage tube and no scar, as well as less recovery. This also meant that the anesthesiologist would have to put her breathing tube up her nose and down her throat to give the surgeon the room he needed to access the abscess.

By 9:55am they started the surgery. Poor Brooklyn was terrified and she cried as they wheeled her away. I cried too. About 30 minutes later the surgeon came out to tell us the surgery was over, she did great. They ended up getting 5ccs of puss (a teaspoon of puss) from the abscess. They also sprayed the area out very well to make sure it was cleaned 100%. About 20 minutes after that I was called back to the post-op recovery room. It was terrible. Brooklyn was very upset, it took me 15 minutes to calm her down, and even then she barely recognized me. Shortly after that we were moved back to her room. She slept for several more hours and woke up sometime around 3pm and said she was hungry. She ate a plate of scrambled eggs and a bunch of grapes. Later on that night she ate about 1/4 of a ham and cream cheese sandwich, some mashed potatoes, and some jello. I slept maybe a total of an hour while in the room. I had been up since about 8 am Tuesday.

Brooklyn had a good night Wednesday night, she slept from about 11:30pm until about 9am when she was woken up by the doctors needing to check her out. That gets us to Thursday. She was doing GREAT, eating, drinking, peeing, etc. So, after lunch (and taking her antibiotic capsule well) we were all set to be released. Brooklyn is taking her regular Ritalin ER and Ritalin (for her ADHD), her regular Clonidine (for sleep), and now some heavy duty antibiotics (for the infection) and some probiotics (to prevent tummy issues related to the antibiotics).

She goes in tomorrow to have a check up with her regular pediatrician, and then she'll be seen again after finishing off her antibiotics just to be sure everything has cleared up and healed well.

She's back to her usual self, running all over with TONS of energy.

I'm going to send a thank you card to the ER doctor. In my opinion, she saved my daughter's life. If she hadn't investigated a bit there's a VERY good chance we'd have gone home and the abscess would have been allowed to spread, potentially reaching Brooklyn's blood stream and/or spinal cord.